Practical exercises to achieve connection with our partner in time of confinement 27-03-2020
By: Marjorie Ariza
In the new routine that we have had to create as a result of confinement due to the Coronavirus, I suggest that couples take out a moment in which they can talk, alone, about what to integrate in their day to unite them more, and practice some exercises to strengthen the relationship.
Here I share with you practical exercises:
Exercise 1
In the morning, before starting the new routine, take advantage of 5 minutes of communication without any distraction, at that time you could include what you will do in the day, and how each will cooperate in the household tasks, thank in a conscious and verbalized way, offer support, ask each other how do you want me to love you today? It could be "give me a kiss", "a hug", "give me a massage", "strain the coffee", "help me sweep", "cook my favorite dish", "help me with the child's task"... these are ideas, I imagine you will have many options.
Exercise 2
Practice kissing frequently, making the kiss last about 6 seconds, long, soft, slow, deep and wet, as recommended by the expert John Gottman.
Exercise 3
A) Prepare a list (paper or digital) of everything you admire and appreciate about your partner. Small details that you have noticed in these days, such as helping with household chores, however minimal, keeping up with the news and even considering not being alarmed (because he knows that you don't like it), giving you an individual space even if it is in another room so that you do some work or reading without interruption, helping with the baby, or with your child's online task, cooking, among many others.
If they're not on good terms now, look further back, do it!
B) Read it to yourself saying:
Ex. (Name of your partner) is attentive to me with each of those in point A.
C) Then, find a suitable time and sit down both of you, face to face, looking into each other's eyes, and read or say all that. From the heart, sincerely, with the intention that your partner feels it.
C) Keep an eye out for anything positive, even the least your partner does, and tell them.
First of all, the intention is that you have more mindful of the good, the positive even if it is minimal.
Ejercicio 4
For moments of intense anxiety, differences and/or discussion, determine words that remind the other that it is time for a space between the two, retire and go to do something else, until walking around the house and breathing and resuming the topic at another time, when both are calmer and with a positive energy. For example: "heart", when you need to know that he loves you. “Soft, when you feel the conversation is getting complicated and it's better to cool down. “Break,” when you can't take it anymore, and prefer to talk later.
Exercise 5
At the end of the day, both of you in bed ask yourselves what made you happy today?
An example of this could be the message you received from someone you had time with whom you didn't talk, how cool the night was, the hug he gave you, the help he gave you without you asking for it... among others.
Exercise 6
Define a time of day when you two are alone, and will not be interrupted, and talk about what you want to do after the isolation period ends. Here you will do the exercise for each one as an individual, as well as for the couple.
Make a list of everything that has come to mind of what you would like to do each, and another of what as a couple you want to do to continue strengthening your relationship (things of two and for two only).
They can get creative and even do mission board style, with sketched images, magazine clippings and photos. Unleash the imagination. Exercise 7
Many days have gone by together, 24/7, with a radical change in your routines, surely new customs have already been created among you that you like and make you feel more united, and who has not thought "what a shame!, when this is over, we will return to what we used to do, I will need it"
Do not miss this new one that you have built, talk about those moments of connection that have been created, write them down and make a commitment to continue doing them once the quarantine is over.
RRemember that this is a historic moment in your relationship and that you both crave peace and connection. So I urge you to put the differences aside. It is vital that the changes be made so that they can live these days in an atmosphere of peace, harmony, tranquility and love. If you can't do it alone, I'm here to support you. I invite you to an online session. To make an appointment, click here
