On the way to a conscious sexuality 24-02-2021
By: Marjorie Ariza
When we go to bed with our partner, there are not only two of us, we must take into account that we may be accompanied by a series of conditions that boycott us when living the experience. Among these are biology (whose purpose is reproduction), culture ( what we have imitated of society, parents, etc.), religion (morality, shame, guilt) and porn (beliefs far removed from reality, incorrect notions about sex and sexuality).
All this leads us to have beliefs that have nothing to do with what is one of the best experiences of the human being.
These include:
- Sex equals penetration.
- The goal of sex is orgasm.
- I am responsible for the pleasure of the other.
- I have to be a good lover, without really knowing what that is.
- I have to have sex often, and I start comparing experiences with others.
All this is creating a series of expectations and pressures in us that can lead us to feel frustration, disappointment can even lead us to suffer from dysfunctions, one of the most common currently being the lack of desire.
What I usually hear in consultation with my patients, is an experience they live mostly through the mind. Where they are disconnected from feelings and their bodies. Then what would naturally be a whole divine experience becomes a mechanical, repetitive, routine act, a kind of choreography that reaches a point that you do not want to keep repeating. The most important thing to keep in mind is that we are not in our senses, we are not in the "present" moment.
It is a sexuality penis-vagina where we forget all the other ways to enjoy, connect and feel pleasure.
We can say that it is an unconscious sexuality, which distances us. Sometimes the woman has not gotten aroused and the man has already reached his climax of ejaculation.
“So we lose the desire” I usually listen to couples in stable and long-lasting relationships.
I suggest that if that is so, you go back to the beginning of everything, know yourself. The other does not have a guide to your sensations, pleasure and what you do not like if you do not express it and above all it is of utmost importance to know yourself.
Conscious sexuality is a complement to what you already do, it goes beyond the primitive, basic, animal sex. It is experienced through all the senses, it is lived in our body in the present moment.
Among its characteristics are:
- Innocence free of judgments, shame and guilt.
- Enjoying, being there, without any objective other than feeling and connecting.
- Anything is permitted as long as it is by mutual consent.
- Naked in body and soul. Vulnerable, with an open heart. Here just a look a touch of hands sensitizes you and leads you to feel everything in a totally different way to what you experienced before.
If you are interested in learning more about this, you can make an appointment and start a new stage to achieve a fuller sexual and partner life.
