How to maintain balance in the couple in quarantine time? 27-03-2020
By: Marjorie Ariza
First of all, I want to remind you that before the COVID-19 pandemic, as individuals, we had a daily routine in which we shared small moments per day with our partner, by work schedule, childcare, if applicable, homework, individual exercise activities or hobbies, among others, and regularly at the end of the day was when they shared.
Everything changed more than a week ago. Most of us, with the exceptions of being from the group of admirable people who are leaving their homes to support or care for us in this situation we live in, the rest of us are at home. Our routine changed completely, and we could say that our expectations regarding what we want from our partner are more demanding. Added to this is fear, anxiety, stress and/or impotence, which make the relationship subject to extreme pressure.
Being together indefinitely at home can cause the dynamics of the relationship to amplify both positive and negative ones. Couples with a solid foundation, who respect and allow themselves individual spaces will survive, and if they had unresolved and recurrent conflicts, under this specific stress, they can increase their tension and generate worse conflicts. The commitment of relationships at this time is to start appreciating the couple in a more conscious and continuous way. And those who already practiced reinforcing them with new ideas.
According to dating expert John Gottman, 5 positive comments or gestures from you are required for each negative interaction.
It is important at this time to be attentive and look for spaces to show interest, admiration, gratitude, empathy, affection and love between the two. Recognize that worry, uncertainty, fear, stress, anxiety, and guilt will be emotions that will touch you during quarantine. Talk about this, don't criticize yourself for expressing these feelings.
Here are some strategies to keep quarantine as balanced as possible in your relationship:
- Determine the reliable sources to follow what is happening and limit the time you spend on this. Maybe 30 min in the morning and 30 min at night, but long before bedtime.
- Individually define your daily personal routines and discuss them to determine what your quality moments as a couple will be.
- That is clear and there will be no room for unrealistic expectations. These routines should contemplate homework, work, individual leisure, physical exercise, meals together, restful sleep schedule, mindfulness meditation among others.
- Do not leave the house unless it is of extreme necessity.
- Have a doctor's contact at hand that you can call if necessary.
- Determine what you will do in those moments as a couple. Each couple has individual
- A tight, meaningful hug
- Cooking him one of the meals of the day that you know is his favorite and that he accompanies you as an assistant in the kitchen.
- A massage would be great.
- A bath together.
- Sitting alone for coffee or tea at dawn
- Practice Mindfulness Together
- Look for the movie they'll watch at night together.
- Create new habits and skills for your partner.
- If you feel that things are getting worse, and the tension between you is getting worse; I invite you to talk about it in online therapy. I'm available to help you. To make an appointment, click here
Here you will see a list of practical exercises to achieve better connection with your partner at the moment (click to see)
